Class Prophecy
Good evening, this is Maggie Moonstone, your reporter with the scandal of tomorrow—tonight.
This broadcast
will be devoted to my Alma Mater, Round Valley High School. We have selected
the Class of
1952 as our class of the evening. Our broadcast will be devoted to
them telling you just what they are doing.
Our sponsor, the
makers of Snodgrass’ Sudsy Soap, :The Sensation in the Dish Pan “ has
relinquished their time
that we may bring you this important new commentary.
Nadine Slade has
just announced that she will challenge Gorgeous George for the world’s
championship. Nadine
has wrestled such experts in the women’s division as:
Pretty Penny Pendergast, Ugly Una Stranglehold, Heap Big Squaw
and Chloe, the
Mad-woman from Madagascar. Nadine has won acclaim as a woman wrestler, now she
is entering the
men’s field, her next opponent after Gorgeous George is Killer
Karl Davis.
Floyce Ashcroft
has announced her candidacy for the forth-coming Miss America contest. Floyce
will be
sponsored by the Playtex Corporation. Miss Ashcroft has won such titles
as Miss Hips, and The Girl with the Most
Perfect nose of 1962.
Max McInnes, head
of the biggest Veterinary Hospital in the West is journeying to Hollywood to
deliver the
bouncing baby for “Elsie the Borden Cow”. Max has also written a
text book, “What to do Until the Plumber Comes”.
Max, as you know, has a
sideline that of repairing slow leaks in water coolers.
Jack Nelson,
famous concert Violinist who is appearing for a limited engagement at Randy’s
Grill in the heart of
Salado has been arrested for the Killing of Clyde “I Wow
The Women” Hamblin. It seems that Jack didn’t quite like it
when Clyde
interrupted his playing of “Concerto to a Horse Fly”, so up and used his bow
(with arrow added) to quiet
Clyde down. Clyde, you will remember, made
headlines when he was involved with the heiress, Belinda James, who hit
Clyde
over the head with a bowling ball.
While we are on a
musical note, Dorene Slade, high-powered executive secretary and acting
president of the
National Jitterbug Association has just won the Academy of Fine
Arts for her jitterbug arrangement of “Madam Jeanette”,
has composed other
compositions including, “Sonata for Piano with One Finger”, and “The
Springerville Blues”.
Ervan Butler has
just opened a school of his own, it is called, Butlers’ Business, and this is
the only school of its
kind in the U.S. Ervan, or Prof. as his students call
him offers such varied courses as, What to do when your chemistry
set blows up,
and How to electrocute Field Mice and other scientific monstrosities.
Rey Kartchner, a
prominent senator from the arid regions of Maverick has proposed a new bill
before the State
Legislature. This new measure will provide that nothing but
pick-up trucks can travel on state highways and the speed
limit should be lifted
allowing motorists to travel at their own speed.
Kent Goodman, a
prominent member of the ditch diggers union is planning on giving a free
demonstration in front
of the Post Office at Concho. All those interested in
developing muscles in their little fingers are welcome to attend.
Dale Goodman has
taken over the management of the HI Garment Manufacturing concern. This firm
was
previously owned and operated by Helen and Irene who have since opened up a
new and rather exclusive shop for
middle-aged and pleasingly plump men. Theses
girls have as their store motto: Let Us Help You Slim Down—You’ll
be Bound to
win the Eyes of the Women in our Bikini Bathing Suit for Office Wear
Fred is
studying Grand Opera in Lower Slaubovia, and plans to make his debut in the
comic opera called, The
Woodchopper’s Call a Halt or Don’t Meet me Under the
Elm, I’ll be Behind the Barn.
Junior Romero and Dick Udall have gone into business for themselves,
If you are in a lonely strait or if
your wife or sweetheart has jilted you, just
write to—Dear Match Maker, Post Office Box 213166. Explain your troubles
and
the well trained duo will answer you letter on the front page of the St. Johns
Independent News. These lovelorn artist
have been well trained in this field,
there isn’t a girl in Arizona these Casanovas haven’t dated.
We bring to a close another in the series of Maggie Moonstone Edits
the News. We hope you have
enjoyed our broadcast, and please try our Snodgrass’
Sudsy Soap. Good night Everyone…..
Now
for the outcome of the National Women’s Bubble Blowing Contest, the former
Karla Pulsipher of
Round Valley has won first prize. The science experts are
now using Karla’s bubbles for atomic bomb targets and one
wizard had decided to
take a trip across the Atlantic in one of Karla’s bubbles. Karla took up bubble
blowing while
working on a huge farm in the Mohave Desert and tending her 10
spoiled o-oops that just slipped out, kids.
Paul Rencher
owner of the chain of Becker Mercantile Stores that have sprung up all over the
nation has just made
known the opening date of their new store in New York, June
the first. Paul has built up this chain since he bought out
Julius Becker. Mr.
Rencher has changed the motto of the store to “If you can’t find it in our
stores there ain’t no such thing.”
That nationally
famous, good-looking playboy Kenneth Moore, has just taken over the Ford
Company. Kenneth
got his start in life by remodeling old jalopies and selling
them. Ken has a new model of children’s toys on display – it is
called the
Scooter of tomorrow. It is a two-wheeled job with hydromatic drive control.
A bulletin from
Chicago has just been handed me: Lou “The Haircut” Hinkle has just been
captured by the great
detective, Jack “Catchem” Udall. “Private Nose” (he used
his nose to track down the suspects) caught up with Lou when
he was trying to
break into the Lingerie Department at Macy’s in New York.
Now for some
Movie Previews: Don’t miss Ravenna Burke in “Romeo and Ravenna”. Miss Burke
will be
remembered for such starring roles in such films as “Come Ona My House”,
“Temper Means Trouble”, and “Vernon”.
Mary Alyce Pena
who was starring in the Ringling Brother Circus fell of the high wire and is
hospitalized. It seems
that Mary Alyce started singing when she was on her
tight wire and reached for a high note and lost her balance.
Critics are
raving about Delbert Hale’s cooking. Delbert is chef in one of the most
exclusive hotels in Paris.
Crowds swarm for just a taste of his new recipe of
“Son-of-A Gun Stew” which he alone knows the ingredients. Delbert
has also won
acclaim for his sour dough bread.
Early in
September, 1951, we was joined by Lou Hinkle, who, tired of the big city of
Chicago, came to our ship
for rest and adventure.
In May 1952,
“Opportunity” docked at Graduation Harbor and as the gang-plank was lowered we
were amazed
to find that of our forty-four eager and anxious freshmen, we had
only twenty-three very proud and scholarly Seniors,
Complete with knowledge and
a diploma.
They were Floyce
Ashcroft, Ervan Butler, Ravenna Burk, Irene Carillo, Dale Goodman, Kent Goodman,
Clyde Hamblin, Wiladene Hall, Delbert Hale, Lou Hinkle, Rey Kartchner, Max
McInnis, Kenneth Moore, Jack Nelson,
Helen Pena, Mary Alyce Pena, Karla
Pulsipher, Paul Rencher, Junior Romero, Fred Sanchez, Dorene Slade,
Nadine
Slade, Dick Udall, and Jack Udall.